I started this blog almost a week ago. I have yet to post. Why is this? Is it that I am a 6th rate thinker at best, sails tattered, crew scurvy-ridden? Is it that I am an irrepressible procrastinator? Is it simply that my heart is not really in it? To all three, the short answer is yes. The long answer is yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss.
However, I realized that part of the reason for my inability to fill this space is simply the pressure of being first. I felt that the first post of a new blog ought not only to be especially good, but also that it should be somehow indicative of everything that would follow it. It would define the tone as well as the content.
With this high-minded artistic ideal, I set out like a man who has just embarked on his honeymoon with his beautiful, young bride. Yet, like so many before me, I was undone when my darling wife turned out to be an axe-wielding transvestite with a taste for human flesh. That is to say, I was disappointed, the pressure to create the perfect first post leading not only to an unfulfilled sex life, but also considerable danger to my person. Like an over-extended simile, it tried my patience.
In the end, I decided that my first post would be neither enlightening, entertaining, nor epoch-defining. "Perhaps," thought I, "if I can just bang out some rubbish, throw in some dubious assonance and maybe a little smarmy deconstruction, then I can bypass the first post altogether." And so here we are. Hopefully now that I have this out of the way I'll be able to think of something actually worth saying for the next time. Until then, keep your stick on the ice.
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